BAD NEWS!!!!!

Hey everyone,

I'm back! I have not been able to write due to internet problems! We were down for about three weeks. Then some bad news happened. It's funny that I'm writing this after I wrote about finding out we were pregnant.

WE LOST THE BABY!!!

Last Monday October 6th was our first doctors apt. We were going to get our first Ultra Sound Picture. Funny, Jason and I were talking about if we were going to have one or two babies. That is what our minds were set on.

When we were looking at the Ultra Sound the baby kept moving away. (so I thought) The doctor was taking a long time with the Ultra Sound. I jokingly said: The baby is shy, she keeps moving away. The doctor had a seriouse look to her face and I asked her if everything was okay.

She said, Well, I am concerned because I don't see a heart beat. I remember from the other two that there was a pulsating little speck on the picture indicating the heart beat but there was none with this Ultra sound.

I said, I don't see was either. It still was not registering in my mind what was going on. She measured the baby and it was 9weeks 2 days old and the baby should have been 10week and a some days old.

She went out because she legally had to get a second option. While she left the room water filled up my eyes. My husband was with me. Jason's eye teared up as well. I don't remember what we said to each other.

The second Doctor came in and confirmed that there was no heart beat. Then the doctor apologized and said we need to think about setting up a DNC or you could wait and you could try to have it naturally.

At this point in time my body had not told me that I had a miscarriage. I cried on the car ride home. Then I was okay the rest of the day.

The next day was Tuesday and I had my MOPS group. They were all so supportive I was shocked and thankful! I cried a few times there but really was okay the rest of the time.

My DNC was scheduled for October 9th at 1:00pm. It all happened so fast.

I am still trying to process it now. I thought I would write about it since I'm up at 2:30am Saturday morning. I can't sleep! I couldn't sleep yesterday and the day before. Really have not sleep ever since we found out on Monday!

I didn't think anything of it until now. Maybe it's now hitting me emotionally. I don't know yet. I could write a lot more but, I think I better try to go to bed.

We are having my son's birthday party tomorrow. Alex is turning 1 on Monday! He has a a very rough first year and I just wanted to make his day special! He so deserves it!

I'll write again soon.

Pray if you do pray because, I think I might be starting to feel the loss and am hurting because of it. As any mother would!

When I get a chance I'll scan my ultra sound picture that they gave me! (smile)

I have a very strong feeling that it might have been a girl!