Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Getting through it all!!!!

Hello everyone,
So how have things been? Well, lots have been happening. Lots of appointments and new insight as to what is going on with Alex. I don't know if I told you but Alex has been really sensitive to the sun light. He closes his eyes or puts his head into my shoulder to avoid the sun light. We recently took him to an eye doctor. It was a tough appointment. They tried to look into his eyes but he would close them. They called it photo-phobia.
They put drops in his eyes and still he would not let them look into his eyes. They had to wrap him up and put those metal thing in his eyes to help spread the eye to open them. It was hard for mommy to see as well but it had to be done.

It turns out he has mild cataracts in both eyes. He will go back in December have another check up. He will be sedated for that appointment so they could get a better check!

We also went to the geneticist. They are puzzled with Alex's symptoms. But it's nice to know that they will be talking to all the doctors Alex's has and will try to figure out what is going on with him.

Things are coming together and I am happy about that!!

So how do I get through it all? I make cards or gifts. It might be late at night, but I have not been sleeping well and it helps get things off my mind.

I also think to myself, Yeah it's hard on mommy but just think how hard all of this is on my little Alex. If he has to go through it then sure can! Plus, a mother does anything for her son!!!!

Thanks for all your help and prayer!! Keep him in your thoughts he needs it.

He also got evaluated and he is behind in his motor skills. So he will be getting more therapy! Yeah!

Halloween is here and Eli is so excited! We got a costume for him but he does not want to be an Animal. My son wants to be an airplane. Yes, an Airplane. I wonder how I am going to pull that one off. (smile)

We found his winter cloths and I can't wait for him to see snow for the first time in his life. (smile)!!!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

A Busy Week!

Hey Everyone,

Last Friday, Alex and his second MRI! The doctor called me after hours to let me know that everything is normal! Yeah! Praise God!

This week is very busy! Tomorrow Alex will see an eye doctor to check out his eyes and why they are super sensitive to the sunlight! Then Monday Alta Regional will come and assess Alex and see if he qualifies for their program. Then Thursday we have a G.I doctor's apt. Busy Busy Busy, but the ball is rolling and I'm starting to get the help that Alex needs!

Still not sure what is wrong with him but with all these new people to help intervene who knows we might just figure out what is going on.

There is hope in the Lord always!

As for me dealing with the loss of my baby, the sadness comes and goes. Sometimes is strong and sometimes it's not that strong. My body is also going through hormonal changes trying to get regulated again. That heightens my emotional state! (smile) My poor husband and kids. (smile)

Life seems to be to busy for me to even really think about my lost baby.

Thank you for everyones prayer and support!


Sunday, October 12, 2008


Hey everyone,

I'm back! I have not been able to write due to internet problems! We were down for about three weeks. Then some bad news happened. It's funny that I'm writing this after I wrote about finding out we were pregnant.


Last Monday October 6th was our first doctors apt. We were going to get our first Ultra Sound Picture. Funny, Jason and I were talking about if we were going to have one or two babies. That is what our minds were set on.

When we were looking at the Ultra Sound the baby kept moving away. (so I thought) The doctor was taking a long time with the Ultra Sound. I jokingly said: The baby is shy, she keeps moving away. The doctor had a seriouse look to her face and I asked her if everything was okay.

She said, Well, I am concerned because I don't see a heart beat. I remember from the other two that there was a pulsating little speck on the picture indicating the heart beat but there was none with this Ultra sound.

I said, I don't see was either. It still was not registering in my mind what was going on. She measured the baby and it was 9weeks 2 days old and the baby should have been 10week and a some days old.

She went out because she legally had to get a second option. While she left the room water filled up my eyes. My husband was with me. Jason's eye teared up as well. I don't remember what we said to each other.

The second Doctor came in and confirmed that there was no heart beat. Then the doctor apologized and said we need to think about setting up a DNC or you could wait and you could try to have it naturally.

At this point in time my body had not told me that I had a miscarriage. I cried on the car ride home. Then I was okay the rest of the day.

The next day was Tuesday and I had my MOPS group. They were all so supportive I was shocked and thankful! I cried a few times there but really was okay the rest of the time.

My DNC was scheduled for October 9th at 1:00pm. It all happened so fast.

I am still trying to process it now. I thought I would write about it since I'm up at 2:30am Saturday morning. I can't sleep! I couldn't sleep yesterday and the day before. Really have not sleep ever since we found out on Monday!

I didn't think anything of it until now. Maybe it's now hitting me emotionally. I don't know yet. I could write a lot more but, I think I better try to go to bed.

We are having my son's birthday party tomorrow. Alex is turning 1 on Monday! He has a a very rough first year and I just wanted to make his day special! He so deserves it!

I'll write again soon.

Pray if you do pray because, I think I might be starting to feel the loss and am hurting because of it. As any mother would!

When I get a chance I'll scan my ultra sound picture that they gave me! (smile)

I have a very strong feeling that it might have been a girl!

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