Why do I have to be were I am!

So, the Lord is really allowing me to go through the ringer right now! New up date on Alex, he might have a small hearing loss in one of his ears! This could account for his lack of babbling! We are still in the process of finding out!

Can I just tell you all to pray for me, Resa! Lots of things are going on and I don't know why the Lord is putting me through it all. I'm not sure the lesson I'm supposed to be learning but I know it must be a hard lesson to learn! Maybe there is no lesson I don't know. Maybe I have to go through what I'm going through for someone else! I know one thing and that is the Lords work is being done!

I am relying only on the Lord! He is the only person who is hearing my hurt and pain right now! For that I thank him! He has put good people in my life to support me right now! My girlfriends are the best and I thank them with all my heart! I thank my two closest friends!

The Lord is good!!! I trust in that! I have too!

Thank you,
Resa

So proud of Alex!!!!

I am so proud of my baby Alex!!! He is trying so hard to catch up! He works so very hard to do other things kids can do his age!

He if finally sleeping in his crib!! It was a lot of work put he is doing it! It's not to say that he doesn't wake up!

He is starting to pull up on things! He pulled himself up to his knee's in his crib! It was awesome to see. He looks at Eli jumping on his bed and he wants to do it in his crib!

He is trying to crawl around to catch up to his big brother! He's not crawling yet but he tries the best he can!! I get little glimpses of what life is going to be like with the two of them! I'm so very excited!!!

Good thing are starting to happen! He is getting the help he needs and is making big improvements. Still behind in motor skills and verbal skill but he is doing the best he can and I am so very proud of him!!!!!

Yeah Alex!!!!

I had forgotten!!!!!

Hey everyone,
Life is moving on! Halloween was great! We made Eli the airplane costume that morning. That night we went to church and he got to play games and win candy. That was Eli's favorite part! Alex was wide awake for it all and had fun watching everyone. It was dark out so he could open his eyes all the way!

When Eli was 1 years old, I put together a slide show DVD for him. It had pictures of us at the hospital and Eli getting his hair washed. Most of it was pictures put there was some video of him saying "hi" at three weeks old and him rolling over! I really liked it! I put music to it and a fade in fade out transition.

I have not made one for Alex. Well, he is 1 now and I thought I should make him one. My friend let me borrow her computer and I am able to use it only for making the slide show. Tonight I was looking through my video of Alex in his first year! My husband and I thought we lost them on a hard drive that got corrupted but I was lucky I made a copy on a disk I didn't know about!

I saw videos of Alex babbling and kicking his legs and moving his arms. He was so energetic and full of life! This was all before the seizures and Mono and everything . It made me so very sad!!!!!! I started to cry and it hurt my heart very much so.

I had forgotten what he was like before the seizures!!!

I just see were he is now, trying so hard to catch up! Trying to follow his brother around and trying to see! It just brought back so much feelings. It hit me like a brick and it hurt!


I text my friend Suzy to see if she was still awake and she was! You know you have a good friend when you can call them at 10:30pm at night. I have two good friends that I know I can do that with. After that I felt better. Talked to God a little and thought I would write this down!


Life is hard right now but we are getting through it! I have the strength of the Lord and support from friends and family! I am very blessed by that!

Things are looking on the up and up! Alex is getting more therapy and I feel like I am getting a good support from Alta Regional and S.C.O.E! They seem to care a lot about Alex and want to give him the very best services!!!


If this video goes through, It's of Alex in December. He was a month and a half old!

Happy Halloween!!

Here are my two boys and their Halloween costumes! Hope you like them. Not time to write about it but I will next time!

Getting through it all!!!!

Hello everyone,
So how have things been? Well, lots have been happening. Lots of appointments and new insight as to what is going on with Alex. I don't know if I told you but Alex has been really sensitive to the sun light. He closes his eyes or puts his head into my shoulder to avoid the sun light. We recently took him to an eye doctor. It was a tough appointment. They tried to look into his eyes but he would close them. They called it photo-phobia.
They put drops in his eyes and still he would not let them look into his eyes. They had to wrap him up and put those metal thing in his eyes to help spread the eye to open them. It was hard for mommy to see as well but it had to be done.

It turns out he has mild cataracts in both eyes. He will go back in December have another check up. He will be sedated for that appointment so they could get a better check!

We also went to the geneticist. They are puzzled with Alex's symptoms. But it's nice to know that they will be talking to all the doctors Alex's has and will try to figure out what is going on with him.

Things are coming together and I am happy about that!!

So how do I get through it all? I make cards or gifts. It might be late at night, but I have not been sleeping well and it helps get things off my mind.

I also think to myself, Yeah it's hard on mommy but just think how hard all of this is on my little Alex. If he has to go through it then sure can! Plus, a mother does anything for her son!!!!

Thanks for all your help and prayer!! Keep him in your thoughts he needs it.

He also got evaluated and he is behind in his motor skills. So he will be getting more therapy! Yeah!

Halloween is here and Eli is so excited! We got a costume for him but he does not want to be an Animal. My son wants to be an airplane. Yes, an Airplane. I wonder how I am going to pull that one off. (smile)

We found his winter cloths and I can't wait for him to see snow for the first time in his life. (smile)!!!

A Busy Week!

Hey Everyone,

Last Friday, Alex and his second MRI! The doctor called me after hours to let me know that everything is normal! Yeah! Praise God!

This week is very busy! Tomorrow Alex will see an eye doctor to check out his eyes and why they are super sensitive to the sunlight! Then Monday Alta Regional will come and assess Alex and see if he qualifies for their program. Then Thursday we have a G.I doctor's apt. Busy Busy Busy, but the ball is rolling and I'm starting to get the help that Alex needs!

Still not sure what is wrong with him but with all these new people to help intervene who knows we might just figure out what is going on.

There is hope in the Lord always!

As for me dealing with the loss of my baby, the sadness comes and goes. Sometimes is strong and sometimes it's not that strong. My body is also going through hormonal changes trying to get regulated again. That heightens my emotional state! (smile) My poor husband and kids. (smile)

Life seems to be to busy for me to even really think about my lost baby.

Thank you for everyones prayer and support!

Love,
Resa

BAD NEWS!!!!!

Hey everyone,

I'm back! I have not been able to write due to internet problems! We were down for about three weeks. Then some bad news happened. It's funny that I'm writing this after I wrote about finding out we were pregnant.

WE LOST THE BABY!!!

Last Monday October 6th was our first doctors apt. We were going to get our first Ultra Sound Picture. Funny, Jason and I were talking about if we were going to have one or two babies. That is what our minds were set on.

When we were looking at the Ultra Sound the baby kept moving away. (so I thought) The doctor was taking a long time with the Ultra Sound. I jokingly said: The baby is shy, she keeps moving away. The doctor had a seriouse look to her face and I asked her if everything was okay.

She said, Well, I am concerned because I don't see a heart beat. I remember from the other two that there was a pulsating little speck on the picture indicating the heart beat but there was none with this Ultra sound.

I said, I don't see was either. It still was not registering in my mind what was going on. She measured the baby and it was 9weeks 2 days old and the baby should have been 10week and a some days old.

She went out because she legally had to get a second option. While she left the room water filled up my eyes. My husband was with me. Jason's eye teared up as well. I don't remember what we said to each other.

The second Doctor came in and confirmed that there was no heart beat. Then the doctor apologized and said we need to think about setting up a DNC or you could wait and you could try to have it naturally.

At this point in time my body had not told me that I had a miscarriage. I cried on the car ride home. Then I was okay the rest of the day.

The next day was Tuesday and I had my MOPS group. They were all so supportive I was shocked and thankful! I cried a few times there but really was okay the rest of the time.

My DNC was scheduled for October 9th at 1:00pm. It all happened so fast.

I am still trying to process it now. I thought I would write about it since I'm up at 2:30am Saturday morning. I can't sleep! I couldn't sleep yesterday and the day before. Really have not sleep ever since we found out on Monday!

I didn't think anything of it until now. Maybe it's now hitting me emotionally. I don't know yet. I could write a lot more but, I think I better try to go to bed.

We are having my son's birthday party tomorrow. Alex is turning 1 on Monday! He has a a very rough first year and I just wanted to make his day special! He so deserves it!

I'll write again soon.

Pray if you do pray because, I think I might be starting to feel the loss and am hurting because of it. As any mother would!

When I get a chance I'll scan my ultra sound picture that they gave me! (smile)

I have a very strong feeling that it might have been a girl!

Exciting News!

Hey everyone,

So, we just found out that baby number three is on it's way! Yes, I am pregnant again. We are very happy about this!

I asked Eli if he things there is a boy baby or a girl baby. He said very excitedly a girl baby! Who know? It would be fun to have a girl in the family. My due date is somewhere around May 2nd!

I wrote on a shirt for Eli, saying "I'm a big brother again!" On Alex's teeshirt I wrote "I'm a big brother too!" I put those on before my husband came home. He didn't seem to notice at first until Eli said"look daddy!" as he pointed to his shirt!

He was surprised and very happy!

We thank God for this new little one!

Eli is very excited and Alex has no idea what is going on. (smile)

Our family of four has now become a family of five! Yeah!!!

Wordless Wednesday --

I'm a crafty Person!

Hi everyone,

I am a crafty person! I've always been that way. Tonight I can a "Stamp-In-Up" Party. We made three cards. It was so much fun. For Party favors I made these little "nugget" purses for all my guests. I got that off the internet. There is just something rewarding for me when I finish a card! I also like to think about the people I will be giving them to! A gift made from love is the best gift!

So my baby Alex is sitting up by himself for a longer period of time. I am so happy for him! He is also getting two teeth. I can't remember if I told you that before!

Eli, is still doing a wonderful job with potty training! Life seems really calm right now and I am so thankful! I know I give my thanks to God! I thank him for being with me through everything!

Just wanted to check in with everyone! (smile)

Thanks for coming to my blog!

Very Busy Week!

Hey everyone,

Sorry I have not written in a while. Lots been going on. Aug 16 was my husbands 20 year reunion. We went away and stayed the night. My sister Mindy and her finance watched the two boy. It was my first time away from my two little ones. It was very hard for me. I missed them sooooo very much. It was also nice to give my husband my full attention. They had a lot of fun playing with Auntie Mindy.

This whole week I made two cakes and 24 cup cakes for my friends twin girls birthday party. It turned out great. It was a lot of work and I enjoyed it. I tried a new technique that I had never done before. It's called a transfer. I took pictures from a coloring book and transfered it to their cake. I was a little aprehensive, but it seemed to turn out all right. The girls were so excited. That's what makes it the best. She was also very thankful! I'm glad that I get to have that skill under my belt to help others.

Aug 20th was my birthday. I can't believe I am 32. I don't feel that old. I had a good time. My friend Suzy and her family came over. (she is the ones with the two sets of twins) My other good friends Lisa and Brian and their little girl Annabell came as well. I made them dinner and Lisa brought a cake. We tired to put the kids to bed and sat at the table to play the game "Settlers" For those who don't know that game. Check it out! It's an awesome game!!!

7 kids under my roof! WoW!! It was great thought. Two little ones Alex and Annabell slept in my room and the twin girls and Eli played/slept in Eli's room and the newborn twins were with their mommy and daddy. Eli had a wonderful time playing with the girls. It was a late but very fun night. It was an Awesome birthday. Thank you to my friends!

The next day we made cup cakes and went to my friend Suzy's girls birthday party. That was great.

So, Eli has been spending a lot of time with Hannah and Sara this whole week. The other day they came over again so Suzy could go somewhere. I volunteered to watch the girls. Eli saw them go to the bathroom and today, he has been running around but naked and going to the bathroom on his little chair. I will be continuing this all week long. I'm hoping to have him potty trained hopefully at the end of the week. Who knows? It could take two to three more weeks. We shall see.

I think watching the other girls really helps. Children around his age using the potty is a great encouragement. So, thank you Hannah and Sara!!!!!

Alex is doing better. He has is moment of being tired but in general he is doing quite well. He is sitting up for longer periods of time. His babbling has not full come back yet. When he is awake he is quite alert.

Thank you father for watching over your little one.

So, I've also been quite busy making cards. I've been looking on the internet and I've found people with blogs who have tutorials. I love it. So I've been working really hard on making card for gifts. I'll put pictures of some of the cards I made. I'll also give you the sights were I found some of these cards. These people are amazing and do such wonderful work. I'm even having a stamping party, I'm so excited to use their products!!!

Hope this entry finds all of you well!
I'll try to be better at writing some more.

Oh, I forgot. My little boy Alex broke in his first two bottom teeth. They cut through. I'm so excited for him. It also explains him waking up so much at night time the last two weeks. (smile) Yeah for baby Alex!!!!

Wordless Wednesday -- All about Eli!

A sigh of relief!

So I we went to the doctors today! We were going to have to get another MRI done for Alex. Today she walked in and said we don't have to do the MRI, I know what's wrong with Alex. He has Mononucleosis. Mono! I was so relieved!!! We did all these test and ex ray's and he has Mono! II would not wish this on any baby but I'm glad that it's not something very serious! He will be tired for the next month and a half! So I just get to deal with all that! I am so okay with that. (smile)

Thank you Lord! I'm so happy!

I am my Fathers Son!!!

Still Trying To Figure This Out!

Hi everyone, Have not written in a while. Sorry, let see what going on...

Eli has taken up to singing! It is so adorable he will just start making up his own songs. It is so cute to hear!

Alex is doing okay. He is getting over a cold. For a while there he was back to his happy, giggly, smiling self. Starting to babble lots and move around all over the house.

Well, these last two days he went back to sleeping a lot and being tired most of the day. We went to the doctors and he had a chest ex ray. It all looked good. He got his blood sugars checked and she ruled out diabetes. The thing that worries us the most is he is losing weight. In two weeks he lost a pound and a half or close to that. He should not be doing that. He will be getting some more blood work tomorrow. This poor child has been through more than I ever have in my life. We don't know what's going on. The Dr. thinks it could be a bad virus. She doesn't think it's the medicine. Everything is still unknown.

I gotta tell you though it hurt my heart! It hurts my heart to see my baby not being his normal self. I feel like everything is being delayed. It could be me but I know where he could be and he's not. I know it's nothing that I could have done but as a mother you just want to take all the bad stuff away!

Keep him in your thought. Thanks so much!

Wordless Wednesday --

Thank Goodness for Sister-in-laws!

So, things have been kinda crazy around here! My little one Alex is sleeping all the time and when he is awake he is lethargic. Well, things are getting a tinny bit better! Alex gets these burst of energy and moves around a bit. Then he get tired really easily and lays his head down. The thing is with him being tired all the time it's hard to play with Eli. He is doing really well through this all. My patience is very little and he gets yelled at quite a lot these days. I fell really bad! He just wants my attention and I can't give him what he wants when he wants it.

So, the other day my sister in-law came over and washed her car. She wanted Eli to help and he had a blast. He was able to be outside and do something fun with out mommy! I think he needed that a lot!

That same day my sister-in-law went out to dinner to just retreat for about an hour and a half. She is going through some family medical problems as well. So it was a great break for us both!

My husband has been weathering through it all as well! He has been working a lot and trying to support me as well. It's not fun for him as well.

My little one just woke up so, I gotta go.

Wordless Wednesday --

Fear of the UNKOWN!!!!

Well, these last two days have been an up and down roller coaster of emotions for me. I'm not sure where to begin.?

As a mother you always worry about your child! Many of you know about Alex and his history with seizures. Well, about a little over a week and a half ago I started to notice the decrees in activity level with Alex. He also has not been nursing very well. He left for most of the day and when he was awake we was lethargic. He would army crawl and drag his legs.

I didn't think anything of it at first. We had a really big hot wave here in Sacramento and then all the smoke due to the fires. I thought that made him really tired. The thing is, we were inside most of that time in an air conditioned house! So, I then thought, he was growing. I know babies sleep more when they are growing.

Other family member and Alex's physical therapist noticed that he did seem his cheerful self. So, I called the doctor and she asked me to come in. Before we saw her we had to go get blood work done. That was a night mare in itself. They usually don't get the blood. It takes them about 45min and they don't get any or something is wrong with the blood. My poor baby got pricked about four time. Two on each arm. They finally got a whole syringe full of blood for all the tests.
After seeing the doctor she confirmed my feeling by sharing my opinion about Alex. Something was off.

We almost went to the hospital to have him monitored but ended up not going. That night, Alex slept in my room in the playpen while I watched him almost all night! Not much sleep.

Then next morning my Dr. called and said she got me a 10:00 apt with the neurologist. To keep this short, he didn't think anything neurological was wrong! We are now slowly taking him off the phenobarbital. He is concerned about how tired and lethargic Alex is and we are supposed to watch him. Then he ordered a lot more lab work to be done. We went back and Alex had some more blood drawn.

It was all God, because the first time they tried, they got a vein and Alex cried when they put the needle in and then stopped crying, then cried when they took it out. My parent came up to help!

I feel as thought I was strong through it all but all I wanted to do was cry! That's usually how I get my emotions out. (smile)

I thought I had a month to get prepared for Alex to be off his meds. Now I have two weeks starting now. I'll be watching him like a hawk hopping that he doesn't have any seizures.

Do I need to fear... the answer in no because I have God with me. My human side does however fear! I don't have any control over this situation and I just have to let God worry about it. Easier said than done!

Wordless Wednesday --

Morning at the Park!

Well everyone, today I went to the park for the first time with both kids. I went with my friend Lisa and her little girl and the boy she is watching. I was a little scared at first. It was easy with one child, I could follow Eli around. How was I going to do it with two kids. It worked out great!

Alex went on his first swing ride. I think he liked it. He had a smile on his face. I didn't swing him to high. Then he hung out in my friends stroller.

Eli, had a blast. This is the little boy who I took to the park last time, did not leave my side once. I went with another friend, before Alex was born and he just wanted to be right beside me, while my other friends boy played on all the equipment.

This time Eli made friends. He went up to this one little boy and started to hold his hand. I was helping Alex on the swing and looked for Eli and he was holding this little boy Luke's hand and they were running around on the grass. I was shocked. The other mother looked at me and we both just thought it was so cute! I was thrilled. Eli even felt comfortable to wonder away from me. I don't know if that is such a great thing for me but he did!

Now, I met some nice other moms that I think will be fun to hang out with and get to know. I know Eli will have fun playing with the boys!

It was a great morning!!!