Friday, July 18, 2008
Fear of the UNKOWN!!!!
Well, these last two days have been an up and down roller coaster of emotions for me. I'm not sure where to begin.?
As a mother you always worry about your child! Many of you know about Alex and his history with seizures. Well, about a little over a week and a half ago I started to notice the decrees in activity level with Alex. He also has not been nursing very well. He left for most of the day and when he was awake we was lethargic. He would army crawl and drag his legs.
I didn't think anything of it at first. We had a really big hot wave here in Sacramento and then all the smoke due to the fires. I thought that made him really tired. The thing is, we were inside most of that time in an air conditioned house! So, I then thought, he was growing. I know babies sleep more when they are growing.
Other family member and Alex's physical therapist noticed that he did seem his cheerful self. So, I called the doctor and she asked me to come in. Before we saw her we had to go get blood work done. That was a night mare in itself. They usually don't get the blood. It takes them about 45min and they don't get any or something is wrong with the blood. My poor baby got pricked about four time. Two on each arm. They finally got a whole syringe full of blood for all the tests.
After seeing the doctor she confirmed my feeling by sharing my opinion about Alex. Something was off.
We almost went to the hospital to have him monitored but ended up not going. That night, Alex slept in my room in the playpen while I watched him almost all night! Not much sleep.
Then next morning my Dr. called and said she got me a 10:00 apt with the neurologist. To keep this short, he didn't think anything neurological was wrong! We are now slowly taking him off the phenobarbital. He is concerned about how tired and lethargic Alex is and we are supposed to watch him. Then he ordered a lot more lab work to be done. We went back and Alex had some more blood drawn.
It was all God, because the first time they tried, they got a vein and Alex cried when they put the needle in and then stopped crying, then cried when they took it out. My parent came up to help!
I feel as thought I was strong through it all but all I wanted to do was cry! That's usually how I get my emotions out. (smile)
I thought I had a month to get prepared for Alex to be off his meds. Now I have two weeks starting now. I'll be watching him like a hawk hopping that he doesn't have any seizures.
Do I need to fear... the answer in no because I have God with me. My human side does however fear! I don't have any control over this situation and I just have to let God worry about it. Easier said than done!